


Courting the Soul

by Psammodesmus_bryophorus



Category: Ancient Greek Religion & Lore, Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Conflict, Crossover, F/F, Greek Mythology - Freeform, Internal Conflict, Kara as Eros, Lena as Psyche, Magic, alternative setting
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-31
Updated: 2021-02-06
Packaged: 2021-03-10 17:41:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 18,326
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28451076
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Psammodesmus_bryophorus/pseuds/Psammodesmus_bryophorus
Summary: Lena arrives in an isolated palace, prepared to face her monster husband. Instead, a mysterious being visits her in the dark, claiming to be her bride.A retelling of the Eros and Psyche Myth. Changes were made to accommodate the characters and my whims.The setting is based on the carboniferous, because I love the carboniferous. Some tetrapods were stolen from the Triassic and Jurassic and the world building is softer than my soft spot for Anurognathus.
Relationships: Kara Danvers/Lena Luthor
Comments: 28
Kudos: 127





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I draw some inspiration from archetypal psychology, so I apologize for probably sounding pretentious from time to time (archetypal psychology is cool but very intellectual, and I can't claim to understand much of it.)   
>    
> 

_Don't forget the knife_

_I held to your throat_

_Severed_

_Untied_

_Unstrung the lie_

_Don't forget the knife_

* * *

The evening sun drew a golden path through the slender trees, their fuzzy green branches swaying in the light wind. The murmur of water grew louder. Lena quickened her steps, the dryness in her throat her only concern. The forest gave way to wetland, spluttering and steaming. In the middle stood a small, white palace. Lena stopped, waiting for any signs of life. There was moist sound as the flat head of an amphibian, half the size of a human, appeared out of the mud. It trudged across the mossy path that twisted through the mire, and flopped into one of the many dark pools. A group of insects, each the size of a fist, was disturbed and took off into the air with a rumbling buzz. 

Lena stepped carefully along the path. Soon her sandals were drenched, and her bridal dress flecked by bursting mud bubbles.  
The palace appeared to be deserted. The white marble surfaces were covered in a thick layer of yellow spores. But strangely enough the interior wasn't vacant. Clean, fluttering curtains hung over each doorway and window. There was furniture draped in rich, colourful fabrics and thick carpets. It looked like the palace had been newly furnished.

Was this where her monster husband wanted her?

After taking a small meal from the fully stocked kitchen she continued her exploring.  
By the time the sun had set she sat ready in the atrium on the ground floor, looking out over the mire. On the table before her lay a fire iron and the largest kitchen knife she could find.  
She was ready to welcome home her husband. 

There was a cool rush of wind and Lena startled awake. The flames of the oil lamps flickered and died. In the pitch-black, Lena fumbled to grab one of her weapons, finding the reassuring handle of a knife. The blade shook in her hand as she desperately tried, yet failed, to recognize shapes around her in order to gain some sense of orientation.

Footsteps whispered a few paces away. "Don't be scared", a voice spoke, soft and female.

"Who are you?" Lena tried to sound defiant.

"Your bride."

Lenas grip around the knife went loose for a moment.  
"What? I- did you turn of the lights?"

"Yes, and I want to keep it that way. You shouldn't see me."

"Why?"

"It would not be safe. For either of us," the invisible figure stated.

"Who are you?" Lena repeated, unable to keep her voice from trembling.

"I am the one who your father married you to. I built this palace. The days are yours alone and the nights are ours. If you wish."  
Lena held on to her knife more firmly.  
"What if all I wish is to return home?"

"Is that what you want?" The figure sounded uncertain, as if her question were an unexpected line in a scripted performance.

She didn't want to return home. That did not mean she wanted to be here either.  
But she didn't say that, instead she asked:  
"Are you human or a monster?"

The voice did not answer for a while. Lena heard them move. Not coming closer, but circling the room, stroking the wall as they went.  
"More monster than human", they finally said, voice heavy.

"So, what will you do with me?"

"Nothing, if that is what you want. All I wish is to get to know you."

"That's an odd request for a monster."

There was a soft murmuring sound. A bemused laugh.  
"May I sit?"

"It is your palace."

The figure sat down, and Lena leaned back on the daybed, but she did not loosen her grip around the knife.  
"So, tell me", the voice began, "why did you consent to marry me, the mysterious monster?"

"Consent is too kind a word. My mother was made an offer. Wealth for her crumbling Kingdom. I could not have refused."

"A sacrifice then?"

"Yes."

The voice sighed.  
"I am truly a monster then."  
Lena could do nothing but agree.

"What can I do to gain your favour?" the voice asked with apparent sincerity.

"Tell me who you truly are, for a start."

"I can't tell you." They sounded uneasy.

Lena frowned.  
"You can't share anything? Not even give me a rough idea? You said you wanted to get to know me. Won't you grant me the same in return?"

There was a quite rustling sound, as if the figure was fiddling with something. Finally, they relented:  
"I'm an immortal being."

"A god."

"No, not a god. I am... an ancient youth. Primordial yet newly incarnated. I carry a power, I spread it, direct it, but it is not my own. I am the spirit of affirmation. Equilibriums demon. A ghost. Imagination. An element of reality. A complex number."

"And my bride?"

"And your bride."

Lena let go of the knife and rubbed her eyes.  
"A compound paradox. Complex number, you say? Cosine of x plus i sine of x equals?"

Without missing a beat, they answered: "e to the ix."

"Are you exponential?"

"No but not logarithmic either. I can increase indefinitely."

"And decrease?"

"Yes."

"Are you fixed and predictable."

"No."

"Turbulent?"

"Yes."

"An element of hire dimensions?"

The figure stilled, then abruptly came to their feet.  
"I have revealed enough."

"You have revealed barley anything", Lena countered, feeling as though a door had been slammed shut in her face.

"Maybe I should leave you alone now. I am sure you need time to ponder on all this. Is there anything you want me to bring to you tomorrow? Besides food?" Their voice had taken on a false airy tone.

Lena pressed her lips together, realising how delicate her position was.  
"The library seems to have a meagre collection. Would you be able to bring me scrolls on natural philosophy?" she dared.

They hesitated.  
"I'll see what I can do", wind surged through the room, "Goodnight, Lena."

Lena blinked and they were gone, leaving her alone in the room filled with flickering flames.  
She pushed her palms together to stop her hands from shaking. Fear turned feverish.  
A thrilling buzz so familiar. A puzzle had presented itself on a silver dish and she was going to solve it.

***

The next day Lena explored the palace more thoroughly.

Despite being humble in size compared to the home she grew up in, it proved to be just as luxurious if not more. There was a bathing area laid out with warm tiles, that included a hot pool long enough to swim laps in and a small room that produced a rain-like shower, lit by bioluminescent algae that grew on the dark stone walls. On a shelf there were soaps and oils in a wide array of scents and soft towels  
made out of stigmaria rhizomes processed to a white, fluffy texture.  
There were two bedrooms on the upper story connected by a balcony that oversaw the wetlands and forest beyond.

Most interestingly for Lena was the library. There were brushes, sharpened calamite pens and inks in all colours. From the broad desk one had a view to the back of the palace. There the vegetation was richer with sturdy cordites and a few tall tree ferns. The walls were covered in shelves, rows of hexagonal holes, only half stocked. Most of it was lyrical poetry and dramatic comedies and tragedies. She dismissed it all, except a poem by Tylechia. It was one of her most popular ones. It did not have the brilliant structural elements that Lena so admired in her later works, but it was a reassuring object in a foreign environment.

She went down to the atrium on the lower level. Taking with her a blanket, so that she could comfortably nestle into the daybed with a mug of tea, reading the scroll in the light of the fire behind her.  
Wind came rushing in and the lights went out. Lena put down the scroll and crossed her arms.

"Hello, Lena," the voice said, whispering over the floor to seat herself.

"I forgot to ask what to call you", Lena said.

"Whatever you want."

"Monster?"  
She did not respond.

"You don't like that", Lena noted, unable to withhold a provocative edge in her tone.

"If you want to call me that you can."

Lena thought about it for a moment.  
"How about I call you Kara?"

"I like that."

Lena fumbled for her teacup and leaned back, making herself comfortable.  
"Tell me then, why did you want to marry me of all people?"

"Plain lust for your beauty."

"That's crude and terribly disappointing."

"It's honest." Lena thought she heard a smile in Karas voice.

"Fair enough."

Lena sipped her tea.

"And why come in a womanly form? If your body aligns with your voice, that is."

"This my true form. I might not be human, but I am still tied to humanity and follow it's constructs."

"I see."

They sat quietly for a while; the silence only broken by a dulled rustling as Kara moved in her cushioned seat.  
"I brought you some scrolls", Kara announced abruptly, sounding tense.

Lena gave a little "oh", as if she had only just recalled yesterday’s request.

"I want you to feel at home here and not be bored", Kara said carefully, "if this is what you need, I am glad to provide it for you."  
There was an unsaid 'but' in that sentence. Lena did not know how much Kara knew. Her own understanding of it all was minimal, frustratingly so. But one thing she knew for certain, mathematics would be her most powerful ally in this battle. And by the sound of it Kara understood this too. Understood, that she was pointing a weapon at herself. Then why was she doing it? There was so much to learn.

"Thank you", Lena put down the teacup and made her tone light:

"So, you say you have a human body?"

"No, it is simply the image of a human body."

"Does it feel human to the touch?"

Kara went silent again for a moment. A thing Lena seemed to have to get used to. It was irritating in the dark where she could not make out any facial expressions.

"Would you want to touch me?"

Now it was Lenas turn to contemplate a response.  
"Yes", she finally decided.

Kara stood up and slowly approached her.  
Lena could feel her body heat even before she was close enough to sit down on the daybed, an armlength away.  
"May I take your hand?" Karas asked, voice quiet and close.

"Yes."

Karas skin was burning. Not painfully so. More like a human during a fever or after a sprint. Kara moved her fingers lightly across the back of Lenas hand. Lena flipped her hand over, letting Karas fingers curl into hers. Kara gently lifted her hand and lowered it onto her forearm. Her skin wasn't rough, but not smooth either. It felt charged, as if there was a low humming coursing through her body, almost  
too faint for Lenas fingertips to sense.

"So much energy", Lena mused in a low tone.

Kara breathed a smile.

Lena let her hand venture further, feeling the outlines of veins, detecting a quick pulse. It surprised her.

"You bleed?"

"Like any mortal."

Lena rested her hand around Karas wrist before pulling away.

"And now?" Kara asked.

"You come back tomorrow."


	2. Chapter 2

Eros sat nested atop the skeleton of a tree, which was part of a much larger structure, a mix of wood and stone held together by vines and metal ropes. Below, spirits assembled. Ions in an intense electromagnetic field. Communication was disorderly, incomprehensible. Eros kept her eyes on the familiar human shapes, draped, jewelled and beautiful. As well as a few animals, colourful and vibrating. Many other shapes where difficult for her to grasp. Blurry or flickering, gigantic or microscopic.

Eros shifted closer, trying to remain out of sight. She nearly squashed a scorpion and it went up in dense black smoke with an angry hiss.

"Sorry", she whispered.

"It is your fault and so we except you to fix it", this came from one of the lycomorph deities in decisive chemical wafts. 

"It's in progress, you have nothing to be concerned about", a human god said with a dismissive wave of their hand.

"We want this to be taken seriously", an arachnid clicked.

"Your kind doesn't even belong here," a cnidaria god reminded them.

"That is not your call! And as we keep saying; we are currently eliminating the threat with high efficiency. What is there not to understand?" a human goddess bared down at the pale shape. It gave an irritated hum, but drew back its hair-thin tentacles, which were floating around the assembly like a cloud

The spirits continued their banter. Eros was bored, barley being able to distil a single string of conversation. An excuse to leave came when mother cached her eye.

They met a safe distance away amongst the cliffs.

"What do you find of this? Destroying human endeavours?"

Eros shrugged.

"It's not exactly fair, but I don't think I can oppose it."

"There is one thing you can do", she turned to her, the evening sun revealing her face in all its golden glory. "I have a task for you. It's a human that they might expel. A princess and scholar. I want to spare her."

Eros frowned, "I did not know you had such a merciful heart."

"She represents my powers."

Eros raised an eyebrow "a scholar?"

Mother gave her a reprimanding look. "She holds some misplaced notions, but she is important to me regardless."

Eros kicked a pebble into the roaring ocean. "So, what do you want me to do about it?"

"Make her so stupid with love she will not be able to count to ten. A simple task."

"If she is receptive", Eros creased her quiver, "even my most potent arrow can do no more than awaken."

"Then use one that can awaken the carcass of an Anomalocaris god." 

She shook out her dress, turning it from thin and semi-translucent to a dark velvet that glittered like the night sky. 

"I have to return to the assembly. Will you do as you're told?"

Eros nodded.

"Good, you will find her in a delta kingdom on the southern tip of the northern continent. Her name is Lena."

***

There was a scratching, scrabbling noise. Lena looked up to see a brown, furry ball landing on her window sill.

"Little friend," she greeted, rolling up a scroll. "Back again?"

Little friend flapped onto her shoulder, clinging onto the thick fabric of her shirt with the claws of his winged front limbs. He looked up at her with liquid eyes.

"You can't just come here expecting a treat every day", she tried to chide him, but she could not help to smile at his silly round face with the disproportionally large eyes that shone questioningly up at her.

"Alright, come."

They descended down to the kitchen. The smell of sweet roots and savoury pteroplax meat emanated from a copper pot hanging over the vast hearth. She lowered Little Friend down onto the clean kitchen counter and went to check on her simmering evening meal.

"Almost done, I think", she told Little Friend who gave an impatient screech.

"Alright, alright", she entered the pantry to retrieve the cup filled with pale yellow larva she had collected in the morning. She filled herself a bowl with her own meal and another with the wiggling, fatty larva and set them opposite each other at the dinner table adjacent to the kitchen next to the west window. Little Friend flapped down in front of his bowl and began munching.

Once he was done, he flapped his wings, nearly tipping over her glass, and flew off into the dim evening, leaving Lena to finish her meal alone. As the darkness grew, so did the silence. It made her miss the music of her home palace. Although she had shunned the noisy, lively crowds, she had enjoyed listening to the distant sound of singing and strumming that had drifted up through her window in the evenings. Here the noise came only from the mire and its many inhabitants. Indistinct, almost ominous rustling, buzzing and bubbling.

The palace itself stood in silence.

"It smells good", Kara commented, as she seated herself in her usual armchair, "I see you have made good use of the food stores."

"Despite not being used to cooking", Lena pointed out. Although, with help from cooking instructions, she had found that the process of cooking suited her, yet it was still irritating that she was forced to do it all on her own.

"Oh yeah, you had servants where you grew up", Karas voice wasn't unkind, but Lena still took this as a mild insult.

"And I don't see why I can't have any here", she retorted tartly.

"I would of course provide you with servants, I don't wish to deny you anything, but it would be... unsafe", the last word came out unwillingly.

Lena perked up: "Unsafe? How?"

Kara fell silent before reluctantly saying: "I can't tell."

As usual, Lena ignored that phrase and pressed on. "Are you scared for your own safety or mine?"

"Yours, purely yours."

Lena considered that for a moment.

"So, I can only deduce that you are paranoid and are keeping me isolated to stem your exaggerated fears. Which would prove to be a harrowing flaw in your character, or there is a concrete danger you are concerned about. Meaning that maybe there is more to this marriage than you have let on. Tell me, which is it?"

There came a silence that Lena assumed was stunned.

"There is something threatening you", Kara finally admitted.

"Something actual, you mean. What is it? And don't tell me you can't tell me."

"I really can't", Kara insisted, sounding genuinely upset about that.

Lenas irritation grew. "Can you then at least tell me why you can't tell me?"

"There are... powerful entities", Kara started cautiously, "with objectives and plans. You have unknowingly been drawn into it. This palace, this isolation, it's not to torture you, I promise, it's to protect you."

"Why are you protecting me?"

"I was asked to do so."

"So, no lust for my beauty?"

Lena thought the heat radiating from Karas invisible body increased.

"I... did not follow my orders perfectly."

"What were you supposed to do with me?"

Kara shifted in her seat. "Look, can we change the subject? I have already said way too much."

Lena tapped the table with her fingers in dissatisfaction. There were still so many questions she needed answers to, but she seemed to have done enough direct prying for today. Other opportunities would come. She leaned back on the daybed and drew the blanket more neatly around herself and adopted a pleasent tone. 

"So how was your day?" 

"How was my day?" Kara sounded confused.

Lena raised an eyebrow. "A question one commonly asks during light conversation. Or do you not experience days as we mortals do?"

"Not really. We go around and thus in and out in the span of a complete rotation."

"I don't understand what you are saying."

"I didn't intend you to."

Was that something like cheekiness in her voice? A hint of a grin?

Lena shifted her jaw, irritated, but also intrigued. Rotation? She rephrased:

"So how was your time between now and the last time you were here?"

"As you know, I can't share much", Kara reminded her.

"But you can give me a vague idea", Lena pointed out.

As usual, Kara capitulated:

"I like to consider myself a nurturer. As others tend to groups of living beings, I tend a phenomenon. I go to humans like you, but also other animals. I see a lot of things each day. Birth, survival and death mostly. Some pleasure and suffering in between. I always like to think I am a contributor to the former two, although I play a part in all aspects of life."

Lena stroked the soft edge of her teacup.

"It must be strange, being an immortal watching over the mortal sphere."

Karas voice grew heavy: "I have not known existence any other way. Immortality is comforting but observing life on such an intimate level each day... it is strange in the sense that despite being so similar in many ways, despite relating on so many levels, you are still always separate. So far away."

"And how do you experience time? Still linear?"

"Yes, but it's more malleable for me than for you, I think. I can control my perception of time to some extent, make it seem to go slower or faster."

"But you are still a fixed point in time?"

" _Free from the factor of change. Derived but undefined..._ "

" _...as of yet, undefeated_ ", Lena finished in a whisper, unexpectedly her heart had given a little lurch. "You've read Telychia." 

"I’ve met Tylechia."

Lena had to process that for a moment.

"How was she, as a person, I mean?"

"Bright, of course. Lively. She liked people, surrounding herself with all the most beautiful and brilliantly minded. And they sang together. It was a real craft for them. Harmonizing, meshing together tunes and lyrics. Most interesting place to be during the third century." 

Kara sounded wistful as she spoke about that long-ago time.

Lena went back to play with her now empty teacup, flipping it upside down and stroking the rougher edges of the bottom.

"I am surprised", Lena admitted, "we know little about her life, it's a debated mystery. But her texts, her mathematical work and her poems, the way she combined the two... it really resonates with me and so I suppose I somehow assumed she'd be more like me."

"More like you how?" Kara asked, voice low.

Lena was about to answer, about to be brave enough to open up, just a little, but then swallowed the words back down, sour like bile. They were silent for a while. Then Kara spoke gently: "may I come sit next to you?"

Lena shrugged, "if you want to."

Kara came over and seated herself on the spot she had a few days ago, her body heat drifting over like the steam from a hot bath.

"Closer?"

Lena did not answer, instead moved, all thoughts of collecting data, of fighting anything and everything, forgotten as her shoulder met Kara’s. With a hesitant motion Kara put her arm around Lena, who leaned against her. Kara smelled like wood and smoke. It was like being hugged by a low burning fire. Kara put her other arm around her and drew her closer. Silken fabric caressed Lenas cheek. The darkness had materialised to become a warm blanket.

"Are you really here?" Lena asked, suddenly scared that it was all an illusion produced by a lonely mind.

"Yes", Kara breathed, tickling Lenas neck. It was reassuring. She closed her eyes and forgot the darkness.

When she woke in the early morning, mist hung over the mire and a cool wind made the curtains flutter, but Lena wasn't cold. The hug’s warmth still clung to her.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning: Mention of suicide.  
> It is not my intention to romanticise suicide, although the phrasing might suggest that. This is the perspective of an immortal and should not be taken out of context.

Eros watched the scholar below, reading a scroll in the light of the evening sun. She sat in a small courtyard, hidden towards the centre of the palace’s labyrinth-like architecture. The garden had grown wild. A small fountain spluttered in the centre, covered in moss. The ground had been taken over by unruly scrambling plants and stone tiles cracked by roots of the swaying fern Eros sat on top of. Best do it quick. Just when Eros was about to retrieve the dedicated arrow a servant entered the courtyard and the two left in a hurry.

Invisible, Eros jumped down from her perch and followed them. They stopped in front of a heavy curtained entryway. Lena told the servant to wait and entered alone. Eros slipped in behind her. The room was stuffy, lit by dim candlelight. In the bed lay a man, thin and sickly. At his bedside wept an older man. The hands of a woman, equal in age, gripped his shoulders. The king and queen, Eros saw. The man in the bed had to be the crown prince. 

"What happened?" Lena asked in a hushed tone.

"He collapsed during dinner. The healer said the blood infection has reached his brain", the Queen’s voice was barely more than a croak. Lena gripped the bed pole, face grim.

"Can he recover?"

The Queen did not answer. The weeping of the King increased.

"Come", the Queen gruffly gripped Lenas arm and led her out of the room.

She waved away the small hoard of servants and spoke sharply to her daughter.

"It is starting to become urgent. You need to be married as soon as possible. Choose from the options I have given you. Now."

Lena appeared young under her mother’s gaze.

"I have told you, I am not ready-"

"Your brother is dying", she hissed, "you can't think of yourself now. You need to think of the Kingdom and you family."

Eros could see Lena was working hard to keep control of her facial muscles, but a quivering lower lip betrayed her.

"I can help the Kingdom in other ways, my work-"

"Is useless", the Queen snapped, "forging a marriage alliance is the only way you can serve the Kingdom."

Lenas jaw went tight. "What if I refuse?"

"If you dare to be so selfish..." she shook her head, "don't make me wish you were the one lying in that bed."

"As if you don't already do," Lena whispered, her voice cracking ice.

The Queen gave her a cold look before turning her back to re-enter the room of her sick son.

Lena stood motionless for a while, face tight. She took a deep breath and strode down the hall. Eros followed her to her room and watched as she lit candles. She then stood before her large window, looking out over the broad river that reflected the orange streaks of the sky and the hills beyond. Eros, in turn, watched her. The sharp lines of her face, cold and controlled, now that she wasn't caught under her mother’s gaze. Eros would have expected her to cry, be vulnerable in her private space, but she appeared to put in an effort to conceal all feelings, even to herself. Or maybe she just wasn't one to openly express emotions, Eros couldn't know.

Lena moved away from the window, startling Eros and reminding her why she was here in the first place. She drew the arrow out of its quiver. It pulsed with potency. Hot like glowing iron. But despite this, Eros was having doubts whether it would be effective. Lena did not seem open to love. Eros couldn't ignite a flame without kindle.

The princess scholar was now seated at her desk, reading a scroll. Unravelled so many times it nearly fell flat, the edges frilled. Eros moved closer to read it over her shoulder. It was a Tylechian poem. One of the longer and lesser-known ones. Eros knew it well. Knew what melody Tylechia had composed it in. Soft and quick like the thin stream spluttering down a hillside. The words were confusing, seemed almost in a random disarray to the unfamiliar eye. Yet there was structure there. Neat and tight with an even rhythm. Mathematical precision. Eros watched Lena read it and then reread it until her strained facial muscles relaxed and slivers of sorrow shimmered through her composed facade. It made Eros feel like she was intruding. An unfamiliar feeling. Respect of privacy wasn't really a habit of hers considering her role. _The Arrow,_ she reminded herself. But still she hesitated.

Lena rolled up the poem and laid it into a box with gentle care before taking out a fresh piece of parchment. She began to write. Not words, but equations. Formulas Eros did not comprehend.

She watched the lines of small numbers unfurl, mesmerized.

 _This is why the gods fear you_.

She observed Lena for a long time, crossing out errors and retracing her steps, until Eros understood what she was doing. The arrow slipped in her hand. The sharp point traced down her arm, leaving a thin red line behind.

Eros looked down at her own blood in bewilderment, then back up at Lena.

_Oh no._

***

Lena recalculated her most recent conclusion. Tedious, necessary work. But she knew she was right even without them. The new principle was spelled out on several scrolls in purple ink. The purple principal, she now called it. When Little Friend flapped in through the window and landed on her shoulder, she didn't see. To deep was the pulse of her work. When darkness fell, she lit an oil lamp and continued heedlessly. So close. The lamp sputtered and died. She let go of her pen with a curse.

"Now is not a good time", she told the darkness.

"I'm sorry", Kara spoke softly from the entrance of the library.

"Can you leave and give back my light?"

"If you wish", came the dissapointed response, but the flame didn't reapear.

"What's the matter?" Lena swiweled around in her seat. Little Friend gave a suprised hickup.

"It's just... what are you working on?" Kara took a coutious stepp into the room.

Lena tensed and let the scroll whirr up.

"It's just some puzzling, for my entertainment", she lied and then realised that this did not justify her reaction, "but it's not important, I'll continue later."

"Oh, ok." There was something in her tone Lena did not like. Weariness, maybe even mistrust. "But I can leave if you want."

Wind began snaking across the floor.

Lena jumped to her feet. Little Friend yelped, scrabbling closer to her neck.

"No, stay. We can go down to the kitchen for some tea. Do you consume that?" 

The wind stilled.

"I do, yeah", To Lenas relief her voice was light again. "Here, I'll guide you."

Shuffling through the pitch black was uncomfortable. She had to grip Kara’s arm with both hands for security.

It was a reminder of how vulnerable she was. It displeased her, this relinquishing of control, but Kara’s hand was steady as she led her through the dark.

They settled down in the kitchen and Kara started brewing tea.

"Without fire?"

"I am using my own heat."

Lena could feel it.

"How are you producing so much heat?"

"There is no how", Kara stated self-assured as the copper kettle started to shudder.

"There always is."

"No" Kara countered matter-of-factly, "not with beings like me."

Her voice held down a laugh. Disagreements like these had turned into well-practiced exchanges between them. Both were too stubborn to relent. Lena continued.

"Is there a limit to your heat?"

Kara started fumbling with cups. "Some limit I am sure, but I have never tested it. What kind of tea do you want? I see you have javisroot, feathertree sap..."

"You can see in the dark?" Lena continued her string of questions.

"No. It's more akin to sensing my surroundings. Knowing where things are and being able to draw a map in my mind."

"That's good."

Kara halted with her scrambling. "How so?"

"I do not like the idea you seeing me and me not seeing you."

Kara cleared her throat. 

"Yeah... so what tea do you want?"

"There is a small pot with veren leaves."

Kara put down the cup in front of Lena and guided her hand towards its handle, before seating herself opposite at the dinner table.

"I see an Anurognathus has grown attached to you, quite literally", Kara said, reminding Lena that Little Friend was still resting on her shoulder.

"Yes, I feed him. He comes every evening. Although he usually doesn't stay this long."

"Does he have a name?"

"I just call him Little Friend", Lena admitted slightly embarrassed. The name seemed childish now, but she could hear Kara smile.

"That's a wonderful name."

Then her voice grew sincere.

"I am sorry I can't provide you with better company."

Lena dismissed the apology. "We have been over this. I am all right alone. And if your claim, that there is a good reason for my isolation, is true, then you don't have to be sorry."

"Still... I hope that soon you can leave this place."

"What does that depend on?"

Kara sighed, "many things, but mostly time. I am waiting until the ones who are after you become less vigilant. You couldn't return home to your palace, but maybe a small village somewhere."

The idea of having to settle into the stifling environment of a foreign village didn't really appeal to Lena.

"Do you think I could go to some larger city somewhere? Where there are libraries and universities. Hide among the masses."

"Ehm... no, that- well, it would be too risky. Those are the places they'd be looking for you."

"For reasons you can't disclose?"

"Yeah, sorry."

Lena took a sip of her tea. Over the last two weeks she had been here, she had been able to draw quite alot of information out of Kara, despite her resistance. The puzzle pieces were starting to form a picture.

"Give me your hand." Lena laid her own in the middle of the table. Kara obliged, her hand hesitantly resting on Lenas. Using her other hand, Lena turned it over and stroked the creases of her palm. She closed her eyes and tried to picture it. Like any other human hand, expect for a few anomalies. Tiny markers. An additional line, a change in texture. She moved down to her wrist and brushed away the silken thin fabric of her sleeve, to be able to whisper up her arm.

Kara let out a soft breath.

"Does it feel nice?" Lena asked in low tone.

"Yes." Kara sounded unsure of herself. Contained excitement and apprehension, maybe.

"You feel pleasure like a human?"

"Yes."

"And pain?"

"Yes", Kara repeated, this time even more uncertain.

"Why?"

"What do you mean why?"

"Pleasure and pain, I always assumed were elements of the mortal sphere. Do you choose to feel these things or are they part of your nature?"

Kara took her time answering. "They are part of my nature."

Lena drew back from Kara’s arms to stroke out her eyebrows in a gesture of contemplation.

"You are so difficult to understand", Lena voiced her frustration.

"I can't be understood."

Can't or shouldn't?

"Can I be understood by you?"

The question seemed to take Kara by surprise.

"Not completly. Nothing can be fully understood by anything else."

Lena stroked her teacup, "maybe not."

"But I want to understand you as much as you want me to, understand as much as you are willing to share." Kara took back Lenas hand in hers, giving it a little squeeze.

How much did she want to share? Lena asked herself. Did she want to be understood? Did she want to be known?

Lena stroked Karas knuckles with her thumb.

"Tell me about your pain."

Karas hand stiffened.

"My pain?" she echoed, sounding more confused than anything else.

"If you can't give me a why, maybe you can give me a what."

" I have never put it in words", Kara began, voice heavy, "no one has ever asked before. But it's there, like it's there for mortals. I think it’s sorrow mostly. Although I assume it's very different from your human sorrow. Your lives are short, your emotions heightened as they are tied to survival. My sorrow is like a low frequency hum. Slow and shallow. Sickening in its monotony", Kara eased away Lenas fingers from her hand and fiddle with them, "I sometimes, although I know how foolhardy it is, wish I could feel the pain of humans. Sharp and deep. You experience such intensity. Up and down. Bright flashes. Spikes. Once, this was aeons ago, I threw myself into a volcano. I wanted to feel terrible pain, hot and bright, before melting out of existence."

Kara sighed, "It did not hurt enough. Which I know is wrong for me to say, but it's how I felt about it."

"You wanted to die."

"I wanted to dissolve. I wanted to be decomposed into all my smallest units and be spread wide and far. Like you mortals are. I wanted to stop the endless stream of consciousness."

"But you can't?"

"I can't."

"Do you still want to do that?"

Kara stopped the fiddling and intertwined their fingers.

"I have reached a state of acceptance."

"But sometimes you still do?" Lena guessed.

Kara raised their hands until they were palm against palm, fingers closely pressed together.

"Yes", she breathed.

And so, Lena understood. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, these are all the chapters that are edited thus far. The person doing the grammar and spell checking has a bussy scheduele, but I am hoping to get the next seven chapters up over the course of the next few weeks.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The footnotes are just fyi.

Kara looked down upon the palace in the middle of the mire, remembering the first time she had visited Lena.

She had been so nervous then, so carefully planned and so conscious of the way she would present herself. It had all moved in a different direction than she had expected, but she did not resent this. The time spent with Lena was something she yearned for every hour she wasn't with her.

She made the day pass in a flourish so that night would come sooner. Their circular conversations were reassuring in their familiarity. Kara did not care what they spoke about, Lena could be describing the pattern of wood and Kara would still listen, enjoying the sound of her deep full voice that could flip back and forth between sharp and alert to soft and warm. But the fact that Lena involved her mind so thoroughly in their conversations, made it even better. Hearing her question anything and everything pleased Kara.

It was a risk of course.

A risk too, were the scrolls she held in her arms. She had snatched them after the burning of a small library. It was human doing, although they were led on by the gods. A fear and hate for knowledge was spreading to every edge of the world. Once Kara wouldn't have minded much. It was just the usual ebb and flow of human history. Her own powers were needed regardless. But since meeting Lena that had changed. Despite knowing she was acting reckless; she did not care enough to stop herself. The scrolls were worth saving, she had decided now.

Much more importantly, they made Lena happy. She was keeping her isolated from all other humans. The least she could do was provide her with something to busy herself. The risk was there of course, but it would probably take years and years until a real threat would arise.

That's what she told herself.

***

Kara drew the darkness around her as she entered the palace through the front portico. Lena was already waiting, wrapped in her blankets and holding her cup. Kara hadn't been lying when she said she couldn't see in the dark, but she could sense Lena’s shape, her outlines and pick up on every movement, so it was almost like seeing.

"I have some scrolls for you," Kara announced and laid down the scrolls on the table before her, "some things you might find interesting." She fiddled with her other gift but decided to wait before presenting it.

"I don't suppose you can tell me where you get all these?" Lena asked in her usual interrogatory voice that had just the tiniest lilt of humours arrogance to it.

"No", Kara grinned, "but at least one of them is about math. A study of infinity with an infinite sided polygon."1

Lena made a small sound of interest.

"One of the last scrolls you brought me was also on the concept of infinity. It studied the proposal of the existence of different types of infinity. It asks the question if there is a cardinality between the integers and real numbers."2

"Through set theory", Kara surmised.

"Yes, the paper has a number of predecessors, all trying to find proof for this, but they still tap in the dark. This newer scroll suggested that it could not be proven the way we find proof and validate theorems in most regions of math."

"How can it be proven then?"

"Unclear", Lena sounded both pleased and frustrated about that, "maybe it can't."

"So, it's false then?"

"No... I don’t think false is the right word. This theory poses fundamental questions for infinity. Is it real or fiction? A human construct or something independent from humans and other sentient beings? And can we humans ever find out which it is."

"And is there even a difference?" Kara added.

"Between reality and fiction?" Lena frowned, "of course there is."

"If you come up with something in your mind that has no equivalent in reality you would call it fiction?"

"Well yes, especially if directly opposes to something. If I come up with the idea of objects falling up towards the sky instead of down to the ground, that would be fiction."

"But does it not become tied to reality by being conceived in your mind, which is part of reality?" Kara countered, with a contained grin, it was fun being the one asking the questions. 

"No... Well, the distinction is important because one is more valid than the other. One is dependent on me, the other exists independently from me."

"How do you know that?"

"Oh, come on", Lena gave an exasperated snort, "we don't need to go there or we'll be stuck here forever."

"I just propose, that there is not an easy distinction to be made between anything occurring in your mind and anything existing without. Your mind is dependent on reality, just as the reality you perceive is a result of you mind."

That made Lena silent for a short while.

"Are you infinite?"

Kara gave a little shrug, "possibly."

"If you are you would prove the reality of infinity."

"But do we know if I am real?"

"You said you were, that time you hugged me."

Kara paused, recalling holding her. That moment of trust. Lena had sounded so scarred for a brief moment. "I hope I am real", she finally said, "real enough for you."

Lena was still and then gave a little sigh of defeat.

"Maybe you can't be categorized like that"

It was only a temporary lowering of her weapons. She'd have more questions tomorrow. The questions endless themselves. Its own set maybe. Something Tylechia would have liked.

"Come here", Lena said after a stretch of silence, "I'd like to have some of your warmth."

Pleased about this, Kara moved over and settled herself next to Lena so that they sat shoulder to shoulder.

"I have a little gift for you. Something else I found in the place I got the scrolls."

Kara retrieved it from her pocket. It was a sleek, oval rock strung on a chain. It vibrated slightly at an irregular frequency, as if there was something moving inside of it, tiny and writhing.

"What is it?" Lena asked as Kara lowered it into her cupped hands.

"Jewellery," Kara said, knowing this did not answer her question. "Something that might bring you a little pleasure.” Lena turned it over, exploring the surface with her hands.

"Thank you", she put it onto the table next to the scrolls.

They joined hands. It had become a habit of theirs. Lena’s was soft and cool. Long, strong fingers that explored her hands with curiosity.

"Have you ever done this with another human?" Lena wondered after they had been sitting in silence for a while.

"Held hands?"

Lena elbowed her gently in the side. That small, affectionate gesture brought a whole cascade of new feelings down on Kara and for a moment she was almost lightheaded.

"I mean kept them like this," Lena clarified, „or even just interacted with anyone this closely. Had conversations and well yes, held hands."

"There have been instances. Well, more like attempts." The memories appeared. She had so many. Most of them faded into obscurity, never to enter the forefront of her mind again.

"Early on, when I first became who I am now, took this form, there was this human -" she broke of. She was talking too much again.

Lena rested her hand on her shoulder.

"You don't have to tell if you don't want to." It was the first time Lena had made such on offer. 

It's a danger to be known.

Kara closed her eyes.

_What if I want to be known?_

"It was an early human, I had made-"

 _No,_ she reminded herself. No matter how much she wanted it, she couldn't reveal herself.

"She had just lost someone. Human grief is so unlike any other. I heard her cries. Felt her pain like a ripple through the forest. I had never been confronted with anything like it before. She was kneeling at the side of her companions’ body, clawing at her chest as if she wanted to rip her own heart out."

The image returned bright and burning. The dirty, tear-streaked face a grimace of pain. Kara had been so shocked by the scene. She had seen suffering. All life suffered. But this had been something else.

"I wanted to comfort her, so I went to her. She was scared of me. Such terror in her eyes.

It was as if I was the one who had killed her companion and was there with the intent to do the same to her. Before I could disappear, she ran. But she didn't come far. She fell. Far. I drew darkness around us and tried to help her," Kara took a shaky breath, "but it was too late." 

Kara sensed Lenas eyebrows curl in concern.

"That was the first and last time I showed myself to a human."

Lena put her hand on Kara’s cheek. She leaned against it, wishing she could lay down all her weight. She was so heavy.

"It wasn't your fault", Lena whispered.

"It was." There was no point in denying it.

Lena pulled her into an embrace, her brittle, mortal body lending Kara strength.

"Sometimes it's too much," Kara murmured into Lenas shoulder, "there is too much of me for too long. Eternal existence is exhausting."

Lena stroked her hair, coming through the dense waves. Comfort that rolled down her spine.

"I often feel like the exact opposite. I feel like a shadow. Too little, too flat. Simple and insubstantial. A vague assortment of bubbles caught under a rushing river."

"Am I the river?"

"You and everything else."

Kara held her tighter. Took in her scent. Ink and mammalian musk.

"You are so much more than a shadow. You are solid and beautifully complex."

Lena pulled out of the hug. Her thumb brushed Karas chin.

"You might not be a human, but to me you feel like one", Lenas whispered, leaning forward. Their lips met in a kiss. The warmth from that intimate touch overpowered her own body’s heat. It would have been so easy to let go, get lost completly, but she forced herself to back away.

"Too much," she breathed.

Lena leaned her forehead against hers with a sigh.

"Can you at least rest with me?"

She shouldn't, but the embrace called out for her return. Gravitational pull.

She was always so far away. An asteroid flung through the vast emptiness of space. Now she had crashed into a planet. Was there a will strong enough to withstand such an impact?

Kara awoke still in Lena’s arms. Her darkness was dissipating as twilight started to creep in over the mire. She carefully freed herself and fled before Lena could catch even the faintest glimpse of her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1\. I had Leibniz in mind here. He formulated the idea, that circles are polygons with infinitely many sides. Which is kind of a prerequisite for differential calculus. (He was not the only one to say this.)   
> Source: https://www.emis.de/journals/DMJDMV/vol-ismp/12_knobloch-eberhard-4.pdf return to text
> 
> 2\. This is basically (emphasis on basically) Cantor's infinity paradox. This youtube video explains in simple terms, if anyone is interested:  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X56zst79Xjg  
> And building up on that I used some stuff from this lecture on he Continuum Hypothesis by Woodin:  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nVF4N1Ix5WI  
> Also this paper was interesting:  
> https://www.mcmp.philosophie.uni-muenchen.de/students/math/toby_meadows/elementary_set_theory.pdf return to text
> 
> None of this is important to know for the story. I myself do not understand most of it, but the whole concept of infinity is just so mind-blowingly interesting, so it's fun to think about.


	5. Chapter 5

Eros swooped down through the fading clouds of dust, landing amongst the rubble.

She picked up handfuls sandstone, small like pebbles. This wasn't the result of catapults. Only magic could do this. She felt its traces in the air. That magic was being rediscovered was not news, but this, the power to destroy the immense walls of one of the oldest cities in the world, was a whole new level.

A goddess of war landed next to her. Red, black and burning.

"Impressed?" she asked.

"Shocked," Eros responded.

The goddess gave a skeletal smile.

"Things are starting to get exciting."

Eros clenched her fists.

"Many were killed."

"The dead will always be more numerous than the living", she turned to look at her with hollow eyes, "but maybe that’s too harsh for the spirit of love."

"Love holds its own terror", Eros countered calmly, "but it will always be more preferable to war."

"If you say so", the goddess gave a glassy laugh, then abruptly changed the tone, "I have a favour to ask of you."

Eros raised her eyebrows in question.

"A small mountain country. They are hidden and well guarded. No outside wars have reached them yet. I thought we could do some inner turmoil. I think that would not be difficult for you." She inclined her head meaningfully.

"I am not involved in this", Eros declined stiffly.

"We all are," the goddess reminded her. "Our very existence is being threatened."

"Are we sure? I have heard some disagree with that assumption."

"All of them fools", the goddess hissed.

"Are you calling gods of wisdom fools?"

"They are outliers. Most of us agree that this is necessary."

Eros sighed. She knew there was no point in arguing.

"Find another way. I won't help you with this."

The goddess turned her head to the side, her movements reminiscent of a bird of prey.

"You are hiding something."

"Only my disdain for you", Eros responded and hurried up into the sky with a snap of her cloak before she could unintentionally reveal anything.

***

Lena rose to her feet and had to grip the edge of the desk for support. Blurry-eyed, she regarded the cold remains of her tea, that had been there since morning. Now it was nearly dark.

She needed to drink. And eat. Little Friend hadn't shown up today. Or yesterday. It concerned her. Hopefully the flying piece of fluff was allright. He had always reminded her to eat in the evening. She descended down to the kitchen. The palace rung silent and cold.

It took several attempts for her icy hands to light a fire. She slumped down at the table and forced herself to eat some dusty algae crackers. They formed a slimy, sour mush in her mouth. She quickly washed it down with some tea before she was compelled to spit it out. With a groan she dug her head into her hands, pressing her palms against aching eyes.

She went over the day’s findings in her head. It was frustrating, she'd met a dead end. Her exhausted mind failed to cling onto the numbers. They fell away, melting like snowflakes. Desperately she tossed around for something else to occupy her.

Uninvited, her brother entered her mind.

She pushed all the dark and dirty aside, leaving only his maps behind. Their shared obsession. He had loved maps and Lena had loved the mathematical puzzles they presented. Even more than she had loved getting recognition for it. She quickly whisked away that thought, leaving room only for the map.

Clear and clean. The three-dimensional grid. Three axes. Maybe that was what she was missing.

"Here you are."

Lena removed her face from her hands and found herself enveloped in darkness.

"Are you alright?" Kara seated herself opposite Lena and reached for her hands.

"You're cold."

"I am alright", Lena said, hearing how strained her voice sounded.

Kara stroked her hands until the warmth crept up to her arms and chest.

"You haven't eaten much," Kara reprimanded her. She had a knack for sensing such things. If it was simple intuition or something else, Lena did not know. So much she didn't know.

"I’ve eaten enough," Lena countered and stood up, "lets go the living room."

"So, how was your day?" Kara asked once they had settled on the daybed.

"Let's not talk," Lena said.

"Ok, what-" Kara began.

Lena silenced her with a kiss and pushed her down onto her back. Kara made a low sound of surprise as Lena let her hands venture over Karas robe, looking for an opening. She slipped under the thin fabric, finding Karas burning skin beneath. She gave a little gasp as Lena moved her hand over her flank to her stomach, where the skin hummed over firm muscles. She had a navel.

"Lena," Kara murmured, "slow down."

Lena barely heard her. She found the soft skin beneath Karas breasts.

"Lena!" Kara grabbed Lenas arms, "what are you doing?"

Lena glared down at the darkness, "do I need to explain?"

"I told you I can't."

"But you want to."

Kara let go of her with a little push, making Lena slump backwards.

"What is going on? You are... something is off. What is wrong?"

Lena slunk away, seating herself at the opposite end of the daybed.

"Nothing." She rubbed her arms.

"You can tell me," Kara’s voice had gone soft. Concerned. Lena hated that tone. Hated that she craved it.

"I think it's best if you leave."

Kara went silent for a while.

"I will if that's what you want. But... if there is anything that's making you upset. Anything about me, anything I can change; you should tell me."

"You’re the only person I am able to talk to at all. There is no one else here," Lena pointed out. Not that she would talk to anyone else about this.

"I know", Kara gave I tired groan, "I am so sorry, I-"

"Don't apologize," Lena was tired too, "today was just a frustrating day. I need to be alone. You are welcome to come back tomorrow."

For a moment is seemed like Kara was going to say something else, but then she came to her feet.

"Ok," she hesitated, "it's true. It's not that that I don't have the desire, it's just... I can't."

"No need to explain", Lena broke her of, "goodnight."

“Goodnight“ came a remorseful sounding response.

Wind swept into the room and then was drawn back out, leaving behind dim darkness. Bright moonlight made her eyes squint. She grabbed a pillow and dug her face into it, pressing hard until she could barely breathe. What had she done?

She couldn't think about it. Could only despise herself. She needed a distraction.

The navel. The hand’s surface. So difficult. She pressed harder.

There was a low vibration twitching through the daybed.

She let go of the pillow and searched for the source in the cracks of the upholstery. Her hands found the rock Kara had brought her a few days ago. She closed her eyes and stroked the rough surface, trying to picture it in her mind. Then she looked down at it, all glitter and shadow.

This could be it. The key.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading.   
> I should have the next two chapters next weekend.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to thank you all for your kind comments. I am sorry about the story being a little confusing at times. This chapter will hopefully clarify a few things.

The refugee camp lay nested in a valley. Far below, a luscious forest grew under a blanket of clouds, but here the rocky terrain was cold and barren.

Eros turned invisible and entered the cluster of tents. A few hungry goats were bleating in a corner and children were playing with stones and dried feces beside them.

A young mother was washing clothes, her sleeping baby tied to her back.

Her sweat-streaked face was set, her bony hands scrubbing in determination.

Eros felt her grief. Grief was inevitably tied to love. Its price, some might say But Eros did not find emotions comparable to cost. Grief was the promise of love. One didn't come without the other.

The young woman was lonely. In need of support, although she wasn't quick to admit it to herself. There was someone right there, beyond her line of sight. A decade long low hum. Himeros. The lingering kind of love. Agonizing.

Eros drew her arrow and aimed at the heart.

It was night. The baby had been put to rest in the neighbours’ tent.

Far above and hidden from the camp, the young woman was climbing up the face of the mountain.

On a ledge, seated cross-legged before a fire, waited her friend.

He handed her a cup of tea made from herbs that reminded them both of the home they had been forced to leave.

Eros watched them from above. Watched as their hands found each other, and the young woman allowed herself to weep into her friends’ shoulder. Tears she didn't show her child.

Eros granted them their moment before stepping aside to let water trickle down onto their ledge.

They looked around in surprise. The friend made a sound of excitement and started to climb the steep face of the mountain. The young woman voiced concern, but her friend was a confident mountaineer. He followed the trickle of water to the small cave. Here he found not only a valuable spring, but what appeared to be an abandoned camp. Thickly woven fabrics, rotting pieces of wood, bundles of herbs and dried mushrooms as well as a heating stone. The human made sounds of astonishment and then shouted down at their friend who returned their excitement.

"That won't solve their problems."

Eros tensed up at the sound of her mother’s voice.

"It will help them for the time being", Eros said, as the two humans made their hasty return back to the camp to share their findings.

"You have been very active lately," mother said in her light, casual tone that meant she was anything but.

"I always am." Eros tried to sound oblivious.

"Well yes, I know you are fond of human kind, but I hear you have occasionally been stepping out of line."

"I don't know what you mean."

"Eros." mothers voice had adopted an edge.

Eros turned to face her a little sheepishly. She was blue as midnight. Her cloak a colourless liquid, rippling the air around them.

"I have heard other things too," she continued, "you have expressed dissatisfaction with the current... spiritual meddlings, let's say. You said you didn't care about this conflict?"

"It had turned into something bigger than expected. I could’nt not get involved."

She eyed her intently.

"There is another thing. Remember that princess scholar I told you to handle?"

Eros had to look away.

"Yes, what about her?"

"She has disappeared. Thought to have married a King. But said King and his kingdom do not exist. You don't happen to know anything about that?"

Eros swallowed. "No."

"Eros, don't try to lie", mother reprimanded her sternly, "what did you do to her?"

"Nothing, I-", she caught her mother’s fiery gaze, "I am protecting her, as you asked me to do."

"I asked you to make her harmless. Not hide her," mother exclaimed in exasperation, "why would you do this? Where is she?"

"In a safe place."

Mother gave her a blank look that still managed to communicate all her disappointment.

"Do you realise the risk you are taking? And for what?"

"It's fine. No one will find out."

"Are you communicating directly with her?"

Eros did not answer but flinched as a faint rumble went through the mountain. A few pieces of rock fell away and scattered down in a shower of pebbles.

"What has gotten into you? The danger you are putting yourself in. All of us. You know what she can do to you."

"I don't show myself to her. She doesn't know who I am", Eros defended herself.

"But if you are letting her close, she can find out."

"I don't let her close to me", Eros said as she was overtaken by the sensation of Lena’s body pressed against her.

"But why? Why do this?"

Eros could nothing but look at her helplessly. The rumbling died down.

"Child", she sighed, "if you can't let her go, at least don't let her touch you."

"I won't," Eros lied.

The air grew as dense as melted glass and started to fold around them.

"If you let love be your destroyer, at least you'll please irony."

Then she was gone. 

***

"Hello?" Kara greeted carefully from the entrance of the palace.

"Hello." Lena sounded fairly welcoming. Some of the tension inside Kara gave way and she slipped through the curtains, bringing darkness with her.

Kara seated herself on the chair and rubbed her hands together.

"About yesterday," Lena began, voice collected, "I want to apologize for my actions. And attitude. It had really nothing to do with you."

"No," Kara shook her head, "I am the one who should apologize. You have been cooped up her for weeks now. I know it's not easy."

"It's not," Lena admitted after a pause, her body tense.

Kara went over to take her hand, letting it grow soft and warm in hers.

"It won’t be long," Kara assured.

"Long for me or long for you? Our perceptions of time are different, remember."

"I know," Kara sighed, "I know that I can't make promises, but I am fighting now. More."

Lena tensed again. „Fighting whom? For what?"

"Sorry, I can't-"

"...tell me," Lena finished the well-rehearsed sentence, "it's alright."

Her fingers brushed against Karas cheek.

_Don't let her touch you._

Kara took the hand away from her cheek, gripping it tightly. She remembered Lena’s fingers on her stomach, their lips locked.

She wanted to be touched. She wanted nothing more.

"What is it?" Lena asked.

"I can't," Kara said, voice low, almost breaking, "I can't get any closer to you. I am already too close." 

Kara sensed that Lena knew exactly what she meant. They both knew, although they had never spoken about it.

"Are you scared of me?" Lena asked quietly.

Kara closed her eyes and no matter how much she tried to convince herself, she was not afraid of the mortal before her. The only thing she feared was the thing she knew best, and still had not known like this before. This aching desire, turning her pain, otherwise so low and slow, seeping like sap through her body, into fire.

"No," Kara opened her eyes, "are you scared of me?"

"No," Lena responded, "I don't think you would harm me directly."

"I wouldn't," Kara agreed. "I could never."

Lena stroked both of Kara’s hands with her thumbs before gently setting them down.

"I can't make the same promise." Her voice was tight and contained, but there was something vibrating beneath, deep down.

"I know."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading this short chapter. 
> 
> Chapter seven will be delayed, because chapter seven has decided to be a problem.  
> My lab report, which is due midnight, has contributed to the problem.  
> But I should be able to post it tomorrow.


	7. Chapter 7

Lex lay in a sea of leaves. His hand moved in the air above him, painting something only he could see. He spotted her and smiled, asking her to join.

She ran up to him. The ground crunched below her, dead stems crumbling under her feet.

She took his hand. He laughed and lifted her into the air. She let herself be swung around in a dangling waltz, spinning like the annularian whorls below.

Their laughter joined together. Forming a merry melody.

Lena felt herself grow and Lex started to struggle to keep his steps. Lex's laughter died. Lena looked at him, finding his face dark with fear. Lena held him more tightly, but he was dissolving. Desperately, Lena tried to keep him there, yet he was slipping through her hands like melting wax until he was nothing but a puddle seeping into the ground. Lena was left alone, a shrill noise growing louder and louder around her. It shook the ground and constricted her throat like a rope.

The ring of her own laughter.

Lena woke in a cold sweat, sheets tangled around her. She stumbled out of bed and went out onto the balcony. The first streams of sunlight were shimmering through the forest and fog. She rested her forehead against the cool stone and tried to calm her breath. The images were glued to her mind. Burnt like the sticky remains on the bottom of a pan. She gagged and fell to her knees, hugging the railing.

Why was it haunting her? It was all gone now. Her life and the person that had lived it. Now she was no more than a ghost, wandering the empty halls of the palace.

She rose and descended down to the bathing hall. She stepped into the dark rain room and let the warm water rush over her. Using the strongest smelling soap, she covered her body in its foam. Then she did it again. And again. And again, until her skin was red and raw. Afterwards she curled up in a corner, her sensitive skin scratching against the roughly cut stone. If only she could become like the algae growing on the wall.

Slow and Flat.

Or better yet, the stone itself. Hard and cold. Unbreakable.

It took a long time until all her feelings were washed away down the drain together with the water and soap. Longer than usual.

Once wrung dry she stood up and went to make a tea to bring up to her desk in the library. The jewel waited for her. In daylight it looked just like any small rock. Grey and smooth.

She took out the tables she had made for it, size, weight, density, and so on, as well as a detailed topological description of its surface. But something was still missing. She closed her eyes and brought it to her ear, listening to the low crackling, as if something was moving inside.

"What are you?" she asked it. It gave a little twitch. She sighed. It would be simplest to try to crack it open, but that was against the rules. She needed to understand it without seeing it.

She went back to her formulas and let them pick her up into their rhythmic hum.

There was a flapping sound outside the window and she looked out to see that evening had already arrived at the mire.

"Little Friend!" she stood up to let him inside, "where were you? I was worried."

The flying piece of fluff gave a little screech and landed on her shoulder, nuzzling her neck. She gave him a scratch and went down to the kitchen, serving him the dinner that she had prepared just in case he'd show up again. As he munched away on crunchy lithomantis nymphs, she prepared her own dinner. For the first time in days she made herself a proper meal and ate her bowl clean, finding it almost enjoyable with the company of Little Friend.

Kara came later in the evening in her usual manner. Careful at first and then her voice growing steadier, almost teasing and humorous at times, when she found Lena in a good mood.

„...so then," Kara said in her avid storytelling voice, "the wife expected them to run off together of course, now that they had all the money of the dead husband. But they didn't."

"What do you mean they didn't?" Lena asked, fully invested, "all that and there is no happy ever after?"

"Well this is where the twist comes," Kara leaned forwards, a grin in her voice, "the servant had been lying this whole time. She had infiltrated the household of the noble couple under a mere pretence. She wasn't a servant at all. She came only to seduce the wife and make her kill her husband so that she could frame her for his murder."

"Oh, that's brilliantly vile."

"It gets better!" Kara was practically bubbling with glee as she spilled this ancient piece of gossip. "The servant visited the wife in her impoverished exile and explained that she had done it for the money. The wife of course, was aghast," Kara shifted her voice, making it overly dramatic: " _but there was enough for both of us, I thought we would share a future._ And the servant, although heartbroken says stoically: _We fight on two different sides of a war. And this is not a fairy tale._ The wife, completely oblivious: _War, what war?_ The servant, now coolly _: The class war. I am using that money not for myself, I am using it for the cause, we are going to overthrow the ruling class."_

"What?" Lena burst out in laughter.

"Completely scandalous," Kara grinned, "it was the talk of the decade. And they got quite far with their revolution actually. It all ended in chaos and violence, unfortunately, but it still brought about quite the societal shift in that empire."

Lena gave an impressed huff, "although her methods seem questionable. Stealing money like that."

"Says a member of the ruling class," Kara gave her a little kick. Lena kicked back with a reluctant laugh, "I supposed I am biased."

"Although I would have liked if it had been a romantic story. Them running of to live in a castle somewhere with a few proclophons and possibly a dragon’s egg." Kara sounded wistful, clearly imagining the scene.

Lena agreed with a hum, putting down her empty teacup on the table. 

"Then they have to foster the infant dragon, you mean."

"Yeah, and it's actually an immensely dangerous beast full of blood lust, but he is just the sweetest around his mothers."

Lena smiled, "maybe you should write that down."

Kara laughed, "maybe I will."

They sat in silence for a while. It was raining outside. A steady, calming drizzle.

"How do you picture your future?" Kara asked, "once you don't have to be here anymore."

"And whatever is threatening me is no longer?"

"Yes. It's all gone. You'd be safe and free to go wherever you want."

"I don't know", Lena fiddled with her blanket, trying to picture a future away from the mire and the darkness, "I might as well get that castle and those proclophons. Although I do not know if I could handle a dragon."

"Really?"

"Doesn't have to be a big castle, just one with a spacious library and a rooftop garden."

"Who would you bring with you?" Kara asked quietly after a pause.

Lena didn't know how to answer at first.

"Just someone to keep me company. Someone to eat breakfast and take walks with," she was surprised at her own honesty, "someone who can sing and tell stories. Have discussions. Someone to sit with in front of the fire in the evenings. Maybe even share a bed."

Kara was still. Finally, a faint whisper through the darkness:

"That's what I want."

Lena was not surprised.

"What is stopping you?"

"Everything."

Lena stood up and took Kara’s hand. With a gentle tug she drew her to her feet and led her out towards the porch, trusting the darkness and her senses.

They pushed aside the heavy curtains. Lena was barefoot but she did not mind. It was a mild night. Holding on tightly to each other they stepped out into the rain. The water quickly drenched the thin fabric of her robe. She stretched her face towards the sky, letting it all fall onto her, the weight of the sky.

Kara reached for her other hand and drew her close. It was all water and darkness and then it was all her. Soft warmth and a tender grip. The smell of steam and wet wood.

She began to sway, feet splashing over the smooth stone floor. Lena followed her lead. Found her rhythm.

Then Kara began to sing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed the sprinkle of fluff. It won't go uphill from here. 
> 
> Fyi:  
> Lithomantis is a genus of winged insect (paleodictyopteran). I could not find anything about fossil finds of nymphs, but seeing that the adults could be several cm long, the flightless nymphs were too.  
> Sources:  
> https://canvas.umn.edu/courses/71992/files/3195534?module_item_id=1214086  
> http://fossilworks.org/?a=taxonInfo&taxon_no=211972 
> 
> Procolophons are reptiles from the late permian and early triassic.  
> They were quite small. (up to 30 cm if we take wikipedias word for it)  
> https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Procolophon 
> 
> Annularia is a genus for calamitalean foliage. Whorl is the term describing how their leaves are placed/shaped.  
> source:  
> https://s2.lite.msu.edu/res/msu/botonl/b_online/kerp/seite7.html 
> 
> Also, I think I forgot to encourage you to google pictures of the Anurognathus, if you haven't done so yet. There are some brilliantly skilled artists who have made wonderful illustrations :)


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, thank you so much for all of your comments. Every time I read one I can't stop grinning. It's so nice of you all. 
> 
> Also: In this chapter the mature rating starts to come into play.

Eros followed the archiver’s hobbling steps through the narrow tunnels. The air was tight and dry. His oil lamp revealed uneven rows of crumbling scrolls scratching across the curved walls. A figure appeared, hurrying towards them.

"Master, here you are", the approaching apprentice took a hold of the archiver’s bony arm.

"I must hide... I must save..." mumbled the latter.

"Master, don't worry", the apprentice spoke calmingly, "I won't let them destroy the archive."

The archiver blinked foggily up at them, "they said..."

"I know", the apprentice put a reassuring arm around the old man’s shoulders and led them slowly towards the archive’s exist, "I will see to it."

Eros joined them on their ascent up to the palace where the air was warm and humid. After the apprentice had seen their master to his room, they strode straight towards the queen’s quarters.

Despite the guards refusing them to pass, the apprentice argued so loudly that a servant came and said the queen wanted to know what the trouble was.

They were led into the queen’s private chambers where they saw her sprawled in silken fabrics on a dais covered with cushions.

The archiver’s face was calm as always, yet their eyes were dark and boiling and they bowed only with reluctance. Upon being asked why they had yelled outside her room the apprentice asked the queen: "You plan to burn the archive?"

"That is what the new decree states. Do not worry, I will make sure you and your master will be provided for until you are able to relocate or find another occupation."

The apprentice clenched their fists.

"That is not what I am concerned about. You can't just destroy all that knowledge. It has been collected for centuries and tended with care. It's supposed to be this country’s pride."

The Queen gave them a cool stare. "You have no right to question the decisions my court and I make. It is known that this archive is a threat to the Kingdom’s power. It is not our pride but has been our curse. My ancestors were blinded. We destroy it because it destroys."

Their mutual dislike hung like sulphur between them.

Eros weighed the two arrows in her hands. This would be difficult. It could go either way.

She looked back up at them. The queen’s icy superiority and the archiver’s barley contained rage. There was passion there, allright. With some willingness it could twist into something else than hate.

She knocked the first arrow and flipped the coin of fate.

***

Lena lay on her bed. The stone twitched in her hand. What was she missing?

She put it testingly against the naked skin of her stomach. The vibration grew steadier. She removed it and its movement faded. Back again, sliding it down slightly. The vibrating increased. Kara’s words returned to her:

_Something that might bring you a little pleasure._

"Oh, by the gods," she threw the stone down onto the mattress, starring at it, so innocent looking. She rubbed her face and couldn't help but laugh a little. She hadn't expected this. Something new for her to learn about Kara. She scrambled to get the delicate looking device she had amateurishly constructed. It consisted of a small wooden cube with a point protruding to one side, shaped like a pen. It was attached to a spring, which in turn was attached to a type of slide. On one side of the slide there were attachments set up for a sheet of parchment. She had used it to measure the stones vibration.

The stones new behaviour would make this more difficult. She would have to find a way to keep the stone on her body whilst simultaneously attaching it to the small spring on top of the wooden box. She stretched out a parchment across the length of the slide, filled up the cube with ink and set to work.

It did not work.

She couldn't keep her stomach in contact with the object whilst letting gravity do its job. The ink-markings became a splattered mess. After several unsuccessful tries she gave up, throwing the stone onto the ground. She didn't have the energy to construct a whole new device. Her mind, weak once more, whispered of her failures. She couldn't even understand a simple object. How could she hope to understand an immortal being with powers that were unfathomable to her? That she had even thought she could. The arrogance. The hubris. She kicked over the device. Seeing now how feeble and ridiculous it was. She smashed it with her heel. Pathetic. She picked up the ink-covered parchment. So unsatisfying in its lack of answers. Just random streaks of colour, meaningless. She tore it into shreds and fell to her knees, crunching the flakes in her hands. It was throttling her, this need to destroy. To rip a claw like an unhinged beast. She grabbed her head and let her forehead slamm to the ground.

She couldn't do this. She couldn't. But what was she without it? What was she if not a mathematician, a scholar?

A princess in exile. I disappointment to her parents. And to her brother... no she couldn't say it. Not even to herself.

She was nothing now except for the bride of a monster.

But Kara wasn't a monster. It was wrong to claim that, but she was cloaked in darkness. A powerful being. She used that power to protect her, but this caused an imbalance in their relationship. They weren’t equals. Not unless Lena unveiled her. But by revealing the truth she would sever their tie.

It had to be, she knew, but then why did she feel beckoned by the dark? Revelled in its comfort. If she couldn't succeed in making the unknown known maybe she should remain in this fantasy forever.

Her melodramatic thoughts were interrupted by the entrance of Little Friend. He fluttered inside and landed on her back, sniffing at her neck. That brought clarity to her mind and she quickly stifled all emotions. The sight of her wrecked experiment brought only mild feelings of embarrassment. An irritational outburst. Eventually she would find a solution, but it was nothing to worry about now.

She beckoned Little Friend to the front of her robe and gave him a head scratch.

"Hungry?"

"Hello, you two", Kara came sweeping into the kitchen sounding particularly cheerful. Little Friend took off from Lenas shoulder. She heard him land on Kara with an excited squeak. Kara made a similar sound in return. 

Lena swallowed down a smile. "You seem in a good mood."  
"I am, although I don't know if I should be," Kara seated herself opposite at the table, "I did something risky today, but I believe it was the right thing to do. You'd approve."

"I would?"

Kara grinned. "I am certain of it." 

"Well, then it must have been the right thing to do."

They both waited for the questions, but Lena found, to her own surprise, she didn't have any. With her stomach full, Little Friend safe and Kara happy, she was satisfied.

They went over to the living room. There was a moment in which neither was sure how to position themselves. So many boundaries had been set up only to later be broken down. Now both were unsure where they lay or where to put them. Eventually they settled down on opposite ends of the day bed, stretching out their legs and Lena pulled a blanket around herself.

"Tell me another story,” Lena requested, "one of your realm."

"My realm?"

"You know, the immortal one."

"Hm," Kara shifted. Lena knew she was reluctant to give her insight into that world. But as so often, she relented, shifting to her storyteller voice.

"This is the story of how the earth grew warm. Before that the earth was cold. Glaciers stretched from the poles to the equator. There was only metal and rock underneath. The surface was one single, unbroken expanse. There was no wind, no weather at all. Here existed only the most primordial of beings. Slow and small. Atomic. It had not always been like this. There had been a short time of great explosions, crashes, immense pressure and heat. That was eons ago, but the memory lingered as scars on the earth's surface, now covered by ice.

One day an asteroid hit the earth. The impact was barley noticeable, but it left a small crack in the ice. One of the atomic primordial beings, a spiritual particle if you may, found this crack and slipped beneath to reach the earth’s crust. It was here that they found a scar that told of the days of heat and motion. The particle found these images of old enticing. The scar told it to look for more answers deep in the earth’s core.

So, it started to descend, through the crust until it reached a new layer. It found its way blocked by a being, half asleep and much larger than itself. It told the particle, it could not pass, unless it had something to offer. The only thing it had to offer was the story the scar had told it. This offering was accepted, and the particle continued its journey down until it met a second being. Smaller than the first, but more powerful and awake. When it asked to receive payment for the particles passing, the particle tried to offer the story again, but this being was not satisfied. When it said it had nothing to offer, the being asked about the particles own story. So, the particle told it of its existence atop the endless ice. About being tiny. A fraction so small it could not be counted. And so, the being let it pass. Then it reached the end of the mantle and again a being waited. Small and energetic, it too asked for an offering. When the particle told of the scar’s story and of its own existence on top of the ice, the being was not appeased. It demanded to be told more. Everything the particle knew. But the particle knew nothing else. It was ready to give up right there, caught between the two layers. As it vanished into despair it realised it had one last truth to share. It told it of the longing for the world the scar had described. The heat and momentum. It told it of its desire to be part of it. The big and fast. It shared the despair at the prospect of never seeing a world other than stone and ice. The being listened and let it pass. The last being the particle met was as tiny as it was, but it was dense. Pent up pressure. When the particle began to tell all, it knew as an offering, the tiny being stopped it, for it wanted nothing from the particle but the particle itself. So, the particle made its last offering, fusing with the being of pressure.

The result was a great release of energy in the form of heat. The core melted and mantle grew hot. The Earth’s crust cracked and bled molten rock, turning the ice into liquid oceans and clouds of vapour. The broken plates of the curst, ground against each other. Mountains formed and crumbled. Volcanoes released gas into the air that trapped the heat within. As time went by, the world stabilised, allowing for life to form deep down in the nurturing warmth of the ocean. And to think a single particle caused all of this."

"Why this story?" Lena asked after a long silence of taking in the story.

"It's the first of all stories."

"Did you exist back then?"

"The particles that became me. Just like the particles that are part of you existed back then."

Lena had to process that for a moment.

"But you as you are now came to be later? With life."

"Yes."

"Meaning that if you are infinite, I am too."

Kara fell silent.

Lena moved, crawling closer to Kara, who shifted until they sat curled up next to each other on the very end of the day bed.

"I don't think that is a sound logical statement," Kara hesitantly countered, "we two are different. Different laws apply to us. The rules of the mortal sphere don't affect me."

"But they can."

She felt Kara turn to face her. 

"All I am saying," Lena clarified, "is that I don't think either of us is infinite. We might inhabit different worlds. But they're not separate. How else could you be sitting her, speaking in a language I understand, telling a story that resonates with me as it does with you. Tell me, are our worlds co-dependent?"

Kara let out a deep breath.

"I can't tell you."

"Because they are."

Kara took her hand in both of hers.

"I don't understand everything myself and neither can you."

"I know, but I will try to understand as much as I can."

Lena heard Kara smile, but her voice was sad: "why do you think I fell in love with you?"

Lena stiffened and drew back her hand. Kara seemed to shrink, her heat dwindling.

"How?" Lena asked when she could speak again.

"How?" Kara echoed, sounding slightly anxious, "there is no how."

"There always is," Lena found herself repeating that old phrase automatically.

"Not when it comes to love," Kara whispered, sounding surer about this statement then she ever had before about anything else. Lena did not know how to respond.

"What should I do?" she asked.

Kara seemed to have not expected that question.

"You don't have to do anything." Kara carefully touched Lena hand. She let her take it. "This doesn't have to discomfort you." 

"It doesn't, it's just..." Lena’s words faltered. 

"Just what?"

Lena did not know what.

"How do you feel, Lena?" Kara asked in an unstrained, soft way, but the question hit her like a bolt. Her whole body tightened up again.

"About what?"

"About all this. Me and you?"

"I don't know," Lena had to admit.

Kara put her hand carefully on Lena’s chest. Lena now realised that her heart was beating fast and hard.

"Maybe it would help to find out", Kara suggested, still so gentle with her voice.

Lena closed her eyes, enclosing herself in a more private darkness. Small and tight. She steadied her breath. Took in the sensations of her body. Her pulse beating quick. Sweat running down her back. The weight of Kara’s hand on her chest. The heat seeped through her skin, warming her down to the bones. And there, far below, the thick and indistinguishable burning. Dense smoke, rising up to meet Kara’s hand. She snapped her eyes open.

"No."

Kara pulled back her hand, leaving Lena’s chest hollow and cold.

She lifted her hand to Lena’s cheek, stroking away wetness. A faint trickle of tears. Lena hadn't felt them. Kara didn't say anything, for which Lena was grateful. They spent the rest of the time in silence. Lena dowsed off in her seating position. When she came back to herself the black had turned dark grey and Kara was gone.

She stood up and went up to her bedroom to retrieve the stone that lay abandoned on the floor. She undressed and walked down naked to the shower room. A faint, pale figure drifting through the silent halls.

The shower room glowed in a dim greenish hue. The stone’s glittering surface reflected the algae’s light. The water came on, warming her frozen skin. She stood for a long time, before taking out the smooth stone and putting it against her stomach. The vibration steadied. She brought it down further, breathing deep as she let it preform its function. She tried to focus on her body. Her pulse that quickened. Her nerves that grew sensitive. Pleasure that was drawn together, became dense and hot. Then she thought of the stone. Everything she knew about it. The many tables of data. The scrolls of calculations. Its dimensions. Weight and density. She compared her measurements of its standby vibrations to its beat now. Quick and strong. She counted and pictured the wave function, drawing the graph in her head. Now she could measure the wavelength and calculate the frequency. An increase with her pulse. She recounted. Two new wavefunctions that she overlapped. She saw it now. So simple. As her pleasure grew her body demanded her attention.

She slid down the wall, pressing against it, keeping herself steady, trying to focus only on her body and her new found understanding, two potent sources of pleasure. But as her control of her body dwindled, so did that of her mind. Images appeared. The dark. The warm. The rain. A stroking hand. A teasing laugh. The melodies of a dead song revitalised as they were sung by an ancient being. Holding her close against her swaying body. Sensations that flashed between wavefunctions. Increasing frequency. Acceleration. Overwhelming pleasure.

Suddenly she heard the water again, pouring down over her relaxed muscles. She stood up and regarded the stone in her hand.

Dull grey and motionless. Just an ordinary rock.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for making it through this longer chapter. 
> 
> If you are still confused about the whole stone thing, I expect next chapter will clarify some things.
> 
> I also hope my brief descriptions of mechanical vibrations and waves are more or less accurate and wouldn't make my AP Physics tutor cry.


	9. Chapter 9

It was night. The archiver and queen had met in the twisting tunnels carved deep into the mountains. They were alone but for Eros, who stood invisible, watching them.

The queen held up a lamp as the archiver searched the rows of scrolls.

"Here." The archiver drew out and old scroll with gloved hands, carefully unravelling it. The queen peered over the archiver’s shoulder. Or rather around it, with the archiver being over a head taller than her. The archiver shifted for her to see.

"A nearly identical outbreak of the blood fever during the reign of your grandfather’s great uncle."

"How did they cure it?" the queen scanned the scroll with a critical eye.

"The spread was prevented through hygienic measures. And the sick were treated... with an injection of sorts... I assume the medics will understand this better than I do."

"But what about this", the queen pointed triumphantly, "this sounds like magic. They used magic for the cure, I knew it."

The archiver frowned down at her in irritation.

"Yes, they used magic as a controlled tool, they had magicians who were well skilled. A council of witches."

The queen glared right back. "Thank you, you don't have to reiterate my own history for me."

"What I mean to say," the archiver took a self-calming breath, "is that what you and your council plan to do is completely different. Unleashing spiritual magic like that... it's the reason people stopped using magic in the first place."

"It's a risk I am willing to take to save my people", some of the desperation the queen must be feeling seeped into her otherwise icy countenance. "There is no other option, this cure used magic we don't understand." 

The archiver did not respond, their brow furrowed in thought.

The queen crossed her arms. "Good. If there is nothing else, I will be on my way."

As she began to stride off, the archiver spoke.

"We don't need to understand."

The queen stopped.

"What?"

"We don't need to understand magic. That is just the point of magic. When we learned to understand magic, it lost its powers. All we need is to know enough about it to contain and control it."

The queen turned slowly around to meet the archiver’s dark, boiling gaze.

" _Laalenset aentid trol ov troh",_ she said, the old words reverberating through the narrow tunnels, "balance between magic and truth."

The archiver lit up, both pleased and surprised. 

"Exactly."

The queen stepped closer, fire in her eyes.

"Do you think we could do it?"

"With this to guide us", the archiver held up the old scroll and gently put it into a case in their bag, "I think we have a chance."

"Good, so I can rely on you to work on this?"

"Of course, I will devote all my time towards it."

They gave each other curt nods.

_Come on_ , Eros thought with an inner groan. Although everything had turned out exactly how she had hoped it would, she was still disappointed the two were reluctant to get any closer. She knew they both felt it. Both thought of it in that moment. Pulling the other into a passionate embrace.

They lingered, looking at each other. The archiver with searching suspicion and the queen with a cool gaze that slowly turned into a testing smile.

_Yes! Now kiss._

Before Eros could see the rest of the scene unfurl something drew her backwards. Arms made out of wind, pulling her deep into the tunnel system. After recovering from the brief moment of shock, she twisted around in the air, freeing herself with a great expenditure of force. They smashed against an alcove and landed on the ground. Eros quickly drew herself up, flaring her energy in a faint golden glow.

The goddess of war materialised, tinting the air with red smoke.

"You." Eros withdrew some of her glow, but still kept her muscles clenched and ready.

"We meet again", the goddess greeted her in a tone that was everything but pleasant, "in the place I told you about. Where I had my little project. And you thought you'd use this as an opportunity to sabotage me."

Well. She had been caught red handed.

"Love is everywhere," Eros gave her an exaggerated smile.

The goddess hissed, "You think you can get away with this? That you can defeat me?"

"Do I think love can defeat war? Yes, certainly."

"You consider this a game?"

"No. I take this very seriously. These humans have valuable insights. Together I think they hold solutions for many of the problems the world faces. That is why I oppose to the destruction of them and their archive."

"You are working against the decisions of the assembly."

"I never agreed to anything."

The look the goddess gave her could have seeped the warmth and light out of a thousand fires.

"If you don't stop interfering with my plans, you will regret it."

"Do not mock yourself with empty threats."

The goddess smiled broadly with her skeleton mouth.

"I know how to hurt you."

"You can't," Eros flared her energy again, until the whole tunnel glowed, and a ringing emanated from the force field she was creating. The goddess responded with her dark thick smoke that curled around her body. But it could not penetrate the light of Eros.

"I don't need to overpower you with brute force. I already have the upper hand. I know of your biggest vulnerability."

Eros's light flickered, suddenly uncertain, "what are you talking about?"

The goddess of war laughed. Bone grinding against bone.

"Leave this alone and you don't need to be concerned."

She burst into a red flame and vanished through the tunnels in a cloud of smoke.

Eros let the tunnel grow dark. What was she talking about?

_Nothing, just empty threats._

But still, worry clung to her. She ascended through the tunnels into the sky and immediately went to Lena.

***

She was asleep despite it being past noon. Relief struck Kara. The goddess of war could not know of this place. There was no way she could even come near it.

Lena turned in her sleep, her face tight, sprinkled with sweat. Concerned, Kara moved closer. Was she sick?

Lena gripped her sheets, clenching until her knuckles were white. Her face looked pained. Kara drew darkness around them and carefully touched her shoulder.

"Lena?"

She gasped and bolted upright, making Kara jump backwards.

"Shh... it's only me."

"Kara?" Lena croaked.

"Yes."

Lena covered her face with her hands, rubbing her eyes.

"Fuck, why did you do that?"

Kara suddenly felt like an idiot.

"I was just making sure you were alright, but your sleep was so disturbed, I thought you might be sick."

"Do you often come and watch me in my sleep?" Lena sounded appalled.

"No, no. Never. It was just something that happened that made me worried", Kara quickly tried to explain herself.

"What happened?"

"I can't-", then she broke herself of, she was sick of that phrase. Sick of deceiving and concealing. "I might have angered a goddess of war."

Lena gave a startled laugh.   
"You did what?"

"I intervened with her plans to ignite a conflict in a small kingdom. She isn't happy about it, so she threatened to hurt me. Although I think it was just an empty threat, I still wanted to make sure... why are you laughing? This is serious."

Lena attempted to stifle her laughter, "I am sorry, it's just a surprise, it sounds so ridiculous. Do you routinely anger gods?"

"Well, recently I haven’t made myself exactly popular... it's not funny." but Kara couldn't help but laugh herself now.

Lena cleared her throat. "No, you're right. It really sounds very dangerous."

Kara sat down next to her on the bed.

"Dangerous for you. She said she knew my greatest vulnerability."

Lena frowned. "Which is me?"

Kara took her hand to communicate her sincerity.

"Yes. "

Lena rubbed her eyes again.

"But I am making sure you are protected. This is the safest place for you to be", Kara reassured her.

"Alright, a lot to take in, but alright. I am glad you told me."

"I am glad too."

Kara stroked her hand, "but you are feeling ok? You don't have a fever or something?"

Lena stiffened. "What? No, I'm fine, just a dream."

"Oh yeah, right, dreams."

"Why do you sound surprised?"

"I just forgot mortals did that", Kara explained.

"You don't dream?"

"No."

"Why?"

Kara shrugged, she had an inkling, but she needed to hold back.

Lena shifted her eyes thoughtfully. 

"But you can sleep."

"Yes." 

Lena moved her jaw, as if she was grinding the question apart.

"What did you dream about?" Kara asked lightly, trying to change the subject.

Lena’s body tensed even further. Prey about to flee.

"You don't have to tell me," Kara quickly added, taken aback by this reaction. Was asking about dreams inappropriate amongst mortals? She had never heard about such a thing. Probably she had just come too close to one of Lena’s many walls.

When Lena remained silent for a while, Kara said:

"I should leave. I shouldn't be here during the day. I'll come back at nightfall."

She gently set down Lena’s hand and stood up to leave. As she was about to stride off, Lena grabbed her wrist, a strong cold grip, almost desperate.

"What is it?" Kara asked, alarmed.

Lena slowly let go.

"I dreamt of my brother."

"Oh," Kara sat back down, waiting for Lena to share more.

"He's probably dead now." her voice was flat.

Kara carefully put her arm around her shoulders.

"You mourn him?"

Lena leaned against her, nesting her face below Kara’s chin.

"I don't know," she breathed, "I am a terrible person."

Kara drew her closer, enveloping her in warmth.

"No, you aren't, everyone’s grief is different. There is no wrong way to feel."

"You don't understand, I-", she swallowed, "it's what I did, I...", her voice broke of, unwilling to continue. Or maybe unable to.

"You don't have to tell me," Kara assured her „I am here. And I love and accept you. No matter what."

Finally, Lena relaxed. She closed her eyes and released a faint trickle of tears.

Kara held her for as long as she could. But the darkness she had assembled didn't belong in the sunlight. It was difficult for her to keep it around them. Eventually she had to let go of Lena.

"I'll be back in a few hours," she promised.

"Thank you", Lena whispered.

Kara smiled. Lena could not see her smiles, but she knew she'd come to sense them.

"Goodbye." And with that she was off, pulling herself out with a gust of wind and letting the forcefully assembled darkness spring back into the small nooks and cracks it had come from.


	10. Chapter 10

Kara always came when the sun had set and drawn all its light away.

She always came.

Yet that night she didn't come.

Lena stood at the entrance to the portico. The heavy curtains swayed beside her and the moon coloured the steam, giving the mire a silver dress. The forest beyond stood black and looming. She gripped the fabric of the curtains, digging her nails into the velvety material. The familiar landscape appeared threatening for the first time. The dark that she had come to associate with warmth and companionship seemed to compress around her. Slither fingers of fear down her spine.

She tried to calm herself. Kara was surly only held up somewhere, there were still many hours left in the night. But with what she had told her about angering a war goddess... she hadn't seemed concerned for her own safety, but maybe she had underestimated the situation. As an immortal she might not be able to die, but she could be caught and constrained. Injured. Tortured. Her empty stomach twisted.

If Kara didn't come, she would be on her own. If she didn't want to wither away here, she would have to wander off into the woods. Find the clearing she had awoken in the day of her supposed wedding. And from there? Wander further, continue through the black of night.

Was there an end to the forest? Was it even real?

Either way, she would die, completely incapable of surviving alone in the wilderness.

Abruptly she stamped these fears out. They were premature.

She returned to the living room to light a fire. As small flames started to lick up the side of the log there was the sound of flapping wings behind her.

"Little Friend!"

The Anurognathid landed on her chest and gazed up at her with his shiny eyes. "Thank the gods you came." She fondly scratched his head and he closed his eyes in pleasure with a little gurgle.

The fire behind her flickered and died as darkness surrounded them. Wind pulled through the room.

"Kara!" Lenas voice burst with relief, all promises of anger thrown out the window, "you almost had me worried for a while."

Little Friend took off and landed on Kara with a joyous screech.

Lena smiled and moved closer, then stopped. Something was missing in the darkness.

It was too cold.

At this realisation all warmth left her own body, rendering her an iced statue.

The figure drew closer and a hand touched hers. Insubstantial flesh and frozen bones.

"Hello Lena." the figure spoke softly, but Lena’s body pulled itself together, as if the words had been screamed into her ear.

The figure let go of her.

"No need not fear me. I am not here to hurt you."

Lena flexed her fingers, trying to shake off the discomfort of the touch.

"You are the goddess of war", her voice was steadier than she felt.

" _The_ goddess of war? You flatter me," she gave a charmed laugh, "so your Lover has told you of me?"

Lena did not answer. _Your Lover._

"I just thought we could have a little chat,” the goddess continued, "do you want to sit down?"

"No;" Lena crossed her arms, more a hope of courage than a sign of it.

"Alright, whatever makes you feel comfortable," the goddess purred, taking a step towards her. Lena had to resist the urge to back away. A metallic smell emanated from the goddess. It left an acidic tinge on the tongue.

"So, Lena, I have heard a lot about you. It is interesting to finally meet you in person."

Lena frowned.

"How?"

"A... friend gave me regular updates." There was the sound of a hand lazily stroking Little Friend’s fluffy coat.

Lena let out a constricted breath of air.

"He also allowed me to come here. A little loophole in the otherwise tight security of this place."

"Where is she?" Lena asked, voice low in order to conceal any signs of pain or panic.

"You are worried, are you?" there was a satisfied smile in her voice, "you shouldn't be, she has just been delayed. It gives you some time to overthink your situation. Go over your objectives."

"What do you mean?"

"Oh, you know exactly what I mean." The goddess bent closer, faintly creaking as she moved, making Lena involuntarily lean backwards. "You are close. Closer than any other mortal has been before. The question is, are you going to do it, or have you let feelings muddle your mind?"

Lena clenched her jaw.

"Why so silent? Is it a difficult decision, all of a sudden? Have you come to grow affectionate towards your captor in under two months? Because that is what she is, you know, your captor, not lover," the goddesses voice had turned from thread to needle, "she isn't keeping you here for protection. You can't believe she constructed this elaborate cage just to help some mortal? She is keeping you as a pet for her own selfish needs. Isolated from all other humans. You are at complete mercy to her will. This relationship is as uneven as you can make it. A sun and a planet. You are nothing but a toy to her."

Lena finally snapped.

"Stop it," she growled, "stop trying to manipulate me. A weak attempt to get me to turn on her so that I can do your dirty work for you."

The goddess breathed acid smoke into her face, forcing her to close her eyes.

"Manipulate you? I am simply reminding you off your own motives. I watched you through the eyes of our little Friend. I have seen exactly what you have been doing, what you have been working on all this time. Your maps and lists and equations. Those are the notes of someone who knows what they are doing. Someone who has been working on it for years. There is just one thing I am wondering. Why? Why have you made this your life? Is this the revolutionary trait in humans? Do you feel the need to tear down those above and bring justice to the mortal realm? Or is it more personal? More selfish. Is it about control? Being pushed around. Transferred from gilded cage to gilded cage. Is it your goal to take power from others to have it yourself?"

Lena opened her eyes and regarded the darkness coolly.

"You misunderstand me completely. You can talk all you want. It has no use."

"Ah Lena", fingers fluttered across her cheek. Too thick for gas and too dry for a liquid. It sent a prickling shiver down her body.

"Do you even understand yourself? Do you understand why you did what you did to your brother?" 

Lena jolted away from her, stumbling backwards until her back hit the wall.

"Oh, I know. We all do. You didn't think you could keep something like that secret from the gods?"

Suddenly the goddess stood right before her. Materialised with a hiss of acidic fumes. Yet her voice seemed to have duplicated. One speaking right into Lena’s ear, the other emanated from the centre of the room.

"You are exactly like any other human. Your mind might be better with numbers than the average, but you are just as ignorant as the rest. Just as greedy, as corruptible. Just as scared of everything. Especially of yourself."

Lena didn't move, barely breathed. Finally, the hissing stopped. When the goddess spoke next it was only with one voice, much calmer, almost tired.

"Is it just pure lust for knowledge? Not that knowledge is ever pure. But is it what drives you? If so, you can't exist in darkness forever. You want to know who she is. And you can figure it out. You have the ability. The power. You can tare away the darkness to see her in her true form."

The goddess bent down, breathing heavily. "You want to, don't you. It's an itch in you. You want to get to the truth. There is just one thing stopping you."

She tapped Lena’s chest with a single finger, cold like a corps.

"If she truly loved you, she would show herself to you."

***

Kara hurried back from the small mountain kingdom. A fire had mysteriously spread in the archives, causing a rift in the budding romance between the queen and archiver. Luckily, they had managed to patch it up. At least for now. Kara didn't want to stay a second longer. Lena would be waiting.

She immediately knew that something was wrong when she saw that darkness was clustered around the back of the palace. She landed on the portico with a crash and barged into the palace, the curtain shredding behind her.

"You!" Kara flung herself at the goddess of war with a bestial snarl. She hissed and slipped past her in a cloud of smoke. After registering that Lena was at least physically fine, she threw herself after her with a gust of wind. She caught up several meters above the mire. They spun around in the air, clinging to each other.

The goddess laughed her bone-scratching laugh.

"What did you do to her?" Kara roared. 

"We just had a little chat. It was interesting to meet the Lover of Love", the goddess let her teeth slide against Karas ear "now I know it is true what they say. Love is blind." 

Kara clasped her hands around her throat. The goddess burst into colour. White bones suspended in red and grey, semi translucent flesh. Karas grip was suddenly rendered worthless. The goddess drew herself on top and enveloped Kara in thick tendrils of smoke.

"Aren't you going to defend yourself?"

Kara tried to twist around, but to no avail.

"You can outmatch me, go on," the war goddess put her face close to hers, hollow eyes and a victorious smile. "What? Too cowardly to shed the dark where your Lover can see it. Don't you trust her? Must you hide from a mere mortal? Hide forever?"

"You don't know love", Kara grunted, "you can't understand this."

"But you understand?"

Kara couldn't answer. 

"Have it your way then," the goddess used all her force to slam Kara down onto the ground.

She could have stopped it. She could have flared her light. But she sensed Lena watching from the portico.

So, she hit the ground with a splash and a crack that rippled through the ground like a small earthquake.

The goddess of war disappeared in a haze of smoke, leaving only a drizzle of acid rain behind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading this chapter and staying with the story for this long. 
> 
> Unfortunatly, I won't have the next two chapters ready for some time. They have been written, but I am not satisfied with them yet. As my exam-period is just around the corner ready to punch me in the face, I won't have time to rewrite them until march.  
> Chapter 12 will conclude part 1. Part 2 (the journey to the underworld equivalent) will be shorter and hopefully I will be able start posting that in April. 
> 
> So Goodbye for now.  
> I wish you all a restful night.


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